Word Vomit

I am feeling a lot better than I was a month or two ago. But things are still hard. And I am working my ass off everyday to make things as good as they possibly can be. So I have no patience or sympathy for people who don’t do that for themselves and complain about how shitty their lives are.

I’m aware I’m about to sound like a huge bitch. I AM a huge bitch. I have no idea where this rage is coming from, and it’s probably misdirected, but I need to let it out somewhere.

My best friend is so fucking dramatic. SO. FUCKING. DRAMATIC. First of all, while I worked my ass off in Anorexia recovery, she wasn’t even trying to recover from her Bulimia, and complains about it all the fucking time. If she was trying, that would be one thing, but she isn’t.

Today, she seemingly decided to actually start trying, and she’s being dramatic as fuck about it. This is day one of not bingeing and purging, and I get that it’s hard, believe me. But she was fine until her boyfriend came over, and then she stopped studying and ran into her room crying and he’s comforting her, and she’s already had Ativan so she shouldn’t even give a shit anymore. Like, you don’t need to be crying like a child.

I get that I’m being an asshole. I fucking hate myself. But I can’t make it go away. So whatever.

Not to mention, she has her boyfriend to support her. Some of us have fucking nobody. Even if I wanted to throw a hissy fit for attention, nobody would care. But how about you show off the fact that you have everything in the world by crying over nothing?

I’m having a shit time every day, but I am putting a regular face on it and doing the shit I need to do. WITH NOBODY TO SUPPORT ME. But now you have all the attention in the world and I get to sit here having actual problems with fucking nobody to give a shit. I can’t even take Ativan because I have academic responsibilities that I actually attend to.

I honestly was so much less dramatic around the time I attempted suicide twice and overdosed a total of three times. Whatever.

I don’t know why I’m so fucking angry, but I am. I am a piece of shit and the scum of the earth and maybe I should have waited a little longer to go to the hospital after I did those things last month. That’s all.

Sarah.

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