I was feeling really good for a couple weeks, but for the last few days, my mood has been going downhill. I really enjoy my frequent socializing, but on some level, I hate everyone and wish they would all go away. I am happy to be free of my previous relationship, but I am so horribly lonely without it.
I have been working so hard and staying so busy and I get through every day fulfilling my obligations and taking care of myself. It is so difficult every single day. But I’m doing it. And nobody is around to see that.
I’ve just been in a rotten mood today for no reason. I snapped at my roommate about some stupid detail of the bus schedule, and I have never done that before. I immediately took Ativan and held in inexplicable tears while sipping my iced coffee.
I have just been working so hard and getting so much accomplished and it’s great and I should be happy about it. Usually, I am. But I’m still sad, and I’m still alone. And I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
Honestly, I’ve just had enough. The clocks change tonight, so maybe the extra hour of sleep will help.
PS: Expect to see me in psych emerg if Trump wins on Tuesday. I actually fucking can’t. Thanks Comey for illegally releasing details of an FBI investigation this close to an election. Thanks Democratic Party for rigging the primaries so the only person who could lose to Donald Trump won the nomination. Thanks Hillary for being an immoral, corrupt, war-mongering politician who everyone hates yet who also happens to be the world’s only fucking hope. I’m really into US politics I’m sorry I’ll stop.