I’ve been posting a little bit less lately. At least I think that’s the case.
Regardless, I’ve been doing better. A lot better. And I tend to write less when that happens.
I’m really coming out the other side of this. It’s now been over two months since the breakup, and I think about it less every week. I’ve been eating enough, going to the gym, keeping up in school, and most importantly, staying out of the hospital.
But obviously, since I am posting today, something is wrong. And something is. But not really.
Nothing bad has happened. I have been to plenty of social events this past week. I’m doing well in school. The weather has been nice. I no longer miss ex girlfriend or the relationship I had with her, because I can see how toxic and unpleasant it was. But I’m still sad.
Maybe it’s because it’s been almost exactly one year since I met her. Maybe it’s because I had an extra lecture with her this week. Maybe it’s because I’m on my period. But I just feel really… sad.
I guess I’m disappointed that things turned out the way they did. I felt so much excitement when my relationship was beginning, and even though it went to shit by January, I grieve for the relationship I thought I would have and for the person I thought my ex was.
That relationship felt so special, that I still sometimes have trouble believing that it ended. Part of me really thought I would end up with this girl. And while I certainly no longer want that, I feel so horribly sad for the girl a few months ago who did.
I don’t know if this makes any sense. But I hope everyone is well and I’ll try to write again soon (maybe even without being sad!).