Basically what it sounds like; my day was shit.
I woke up ill-prepared for the Algebra midterm I had to write at 3:30. I had a doctor’s appointment, then studied, then attended a friend’s talk on Graph Theory, studied again, then headed towards the building where I would write my test.
Not only is Algebra my most difficult class; it is also the class my ex is in. The anxiety of seeing her compounded the already-high anxiety about the midterm, and it wasn’t fun. We ended up entering the building at around the same time, which is when I decided it was high time to take a half-milligram of Ativan. The second half-milligram was taken immediately after the test, when I no longer required cognitive abilities but was acutely aware of my poor performance.
I should mention that there is a Math and Stats Pub night currently taking place at my local pub. I know that sounds incredibly boring, but it’s a lot of fun, and there’s free appetizers. I have been planning on going for weeks because I’m working hard on being more social. I found out this morning that my ex (who is also in the Math department) was planning on going with a little posse she had assembled, undoubtedly as a power move to stake her territory with Math people. I know I sound ridiculous, but she NEVER wanted to go out when we were together. Why would she lobby her friends so hard to go with her? It’s just a little suspicious.
But anyways, I ended up not going, because of fuck that shit. At first, I planned to hold my ground and go to pub night anyways, but nobody I know is going, and I can’t look pathetic by myself while she laughs with her stupid friends. I have actually been really pissed about this all day.
I am aware that my current mental state is 80% caused by lack of sleep, 10% caused by academic stress, and maaaaaaybe 10% caused by my ex being an asshole. I have been feeling great these past few days, and I am more over my ex than ever. But today, I find myself wanting to do very destructive things (that I won’t do, don’t worry).
Anyways, time for me to go to bed.