First off, I am so terribly sorry if I upset or trigger anybody. That is the last thing I want. I just need somewhere to express these feelings.
It isn’t a secret that it’s been a bad day for me. I’ve gotten through many a bad day in the past few weeks, so that was manageable. But then, I got into a weird impulsive head space and decided to ask my roommate to tell my ex (they were mutual friends) that she should get back together with me. Because reality is a thing that exists, my ex told her that it isn’t going to happen. And there goes my cleverly designed house of cards. So anyways, I am very much not okay.
I am on a lot of Lorazepam again (a safe but very sedating amount), and there was a bit of a self-harm situation.. a pretty bad situation. I am fighting the urge to make terrible jokes, because this is actually a very serious thing. No one needs to be concerned for my safety, as I have a lot of anxiety about death and am not down for that at this time. I also know the resources available to me and DBT strategies blah blah blah. I’m so sorry that you are seeing me in full crazy right now. This head space is where I live right now; I can’t make it stop.
My point is, I am having a horrible night, Ativan can be blaimed for my shit writing, and nobody needs to worry about something bad happening because resources, fear, and DBT. I’ll arise another day to feel deep shame and regret, don’t you even worry.