Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Overdose, Depression, etc.

First off, I am so terribly sorry if I upset or trigger anybody. That is the last thing I want. I just need somewhere to express these feelings.

It isn’t a secret that it’s been a bad day for me. I’ve gotten through many a bad day in the past few weeks, so that was manageable. But then, I got into a weird impulsive head space and decided to ask my roommate to tell my ex (they were mutual friends) that she should get back together with me. Because reality is a thing that exists, my ex told her that it isn’t going to happen. And there goes my cleverly designed house of cards. So anyways, I am very much not okay.

I am on a lot of Lorazepam again (a safe but very sedating amount), and there was a bit of a self-harm situation.. a pretty bad situation. I am fighting the urge to make terrible jokes, because this is actually a very serious thing. No one needs to be concerned for my safety, as I have a lot of anxiety about death and am not down for that at this time. I also know the resources available to me and DBT strategies blah blah blah. I’m so sorry that you are seeing me in full crazy right now. This head space is where I live right now; I can’t make it stop.

My point is, I am having a horrible night, Ativan can be blaimed for my shit writing, and nobody needs to worry about something bad happening because resources, fear, and DBT. I’ll arise another day to feel deep shame and regret, don’t you even worry.

 

Sarah

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4 thoughts on “Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Overdose, Depression, etc.

  1. I know your heart wants your ex. The heart wants what it wants but you’ve had tough love laid out to you by your ex saying it’s over and so be it for now, just for now. Who knows, maybe in the future you’ll have her again, but for now play it dirty for your sanity sake. Date, date date!! Go out there and date. I’m not saying be a slut but show your ex she’s not the only one you can have your eye on, eat something good and get out there!! I’ve read all your blogs and I want good things for you for some reason, maybe it’s the wine talking. I know it is hard to even think of someone else when you only want one person but fake it girl!! Fake that you might find happiness in someone else. Go to every club every bar and fake it. It seems that your roomie cares a lot about you so drag her in with you when you go to those places so she can keep an eye on you. Take a shower, put on something pretty tomorrow night and play!! Then write about your play times everyday until you feel you’re no longer thinking of her. Easier said than done but you must at least try. You have nothing else to lose but only delicious drinks to gain! I wish you the best!

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