I am at work with nothing to do again, so I figured I would take this time to write about the upsetting news I recently received.
My dad invited me to have lunch with my sister and himself. My dad is always clingy when I’m not living at home, so this didn’t raise any red flags for me. I figured he just wanted to hang out.
In the car, he told me that he and my step mom are separating.
(Deja vu to the same voice telling my 8-year-old self that he and my mom are getting separated.)
He also told me he has been having both physical and mental health problems, which is worrisome in itself.
To be honest, I don’t like my step mom. She has treated me horribly in the past, and I cannot stand to be around her passive-aggressiveness and martyr complex. I am not upset that she will no longer be in my life. I do like my step-sister and step-brother, who have been in my life for 5 or 6 years now. It is heartbreaking that these people whom I have considered to be family for years now will be ripped out of my life.
But losing my step-siblings is not even what upsets me the most.
The feeling of chaos, of losing control, is what I find most distressing. My dad has been a source of instability in my life since my parents divorced. He has moved 5 times since then (2003ish), not counting multiple stays with his parents when he was in between houses. He has moved in with three women, my (former?)step-mom included, despite promises that the next house would just be himself, my sister, and I. When my dad and stepmom got married, there was finally one house, one girlfriend, for around five years. And now that’s over.
My family has been ripped apart (again), and I have no idea where my dad will be living and who he will be with next. So that has been my week.