So my doctor and I have been talking about changing my medication for a while now. I am on the maximum dose of Effexor, and I have not yet been majestically cured of my depression and anxiety. I have met with the school’s psychiatrist a couple of times, and she has recently suggested that I try adding something to my current medication, and if that doesn’t help, to completely switch to something different. The psych and my GP have both advised that I change medications in the Summer if that is needed, so that’s something to possibly look forward to.
I am now taking Gabapentin (Neurontin) with my Effexor. It is mainly used for nerve pain, but is sometimes used to treat certain anxiety disorders. So far, I am not a fan.
First of all, you have to take this nonsense pill three times a day. I have better things to do with my life than take pills all day. I already take 3 Effexor pills (1×150 and 2×37.5), 1 Cytomel (a thyroid medication sometimes used with other medications to treat depression), 2 vitamin Ds (1 take 2000 IU in the hopes that it makes me happy), and 1 iron pill. It is annoying enough to have to take my iron with lunch because it affects the absorption of the Cytomel. Now I am just taking meds all day.
Taking 3 pills a day is an annoyance I could probably get used to. But what really makes me dislike this medication is how it is making me feel. I have been under a lot of stress lately so I can’t entirely blame the Gabapentin, but I have definitely been more anxious since I started taking it. Granted, I only started yesterday, but I have already taken 4 pills, so I’ve essentially been taking it for 4 days. Kind of.
Anyways, I had a big meltdown last night when I became EXTREMELY angry about something my step mom said. I got into a non-fight with my girlfriend that consisted of me asking her repeatedly why she was mad at me when she definitely was not. I realized that my emotions were out of control, so I took half a milligram of Ativan to chill the fuck out.
Today started well; I got up early to exercise and felt great. But I had a job interview in the afternoon, and I did not have the energy for it. I dragged myself there reluctantly, and became extremely anxious while waiting in the lobby. The anxiety was so bad it manifested as a severe stomach ache, which I had during the entire interview.
Now, I am feeling incredibly depressed. Partially because I was supposed to hear back about a different job today, and it was one that I really wanted. I feel like a failure for not having a job yet, and I am anxious about my finances. But my current depression feels worse than what I would normally experience in this situation. I feel irritable, distant from people, and unable to do anything productive. I have no idea how I managed to write this post, to be honest.
Maybe I am just having a rough time and blaming this new drug. Or maybe this is just normal for beginning a new medication. But I am miserable, and I can only imagine how much worse I will feel if I have to switch my medication completely.
For now, I just say:
Fuck you, Gabapentin
Fuck you, evil stepmother
Fuck you, Sarah. It’s a new med. Calm down.