New Year Blues- A Real Update

Hey, everybody.

It is probably about time that I post an actual update, so here I am. As I mentioned in my previous (alcohol-fuelled) post, I intended to blog a lot over the Winter holidays, but I did not. I am two weeks in to a new school term and am getting busier by the day, but I hope to prioritize this blog a little bit more in the coming months.

Over the past two weeks, I have suffered from worse-than-usual depression. My life is incredible right now, so it is very confusing to feel this way. I just have days when nothing, not interesting classes, not social events, not even my incredible girlfriend, seems to bring me joy. On these days, I am convinced that I am a burden to everyone around me, and that I will never achieve a truly happy life. My doctor has increased my dose of Effexor, so the hope is that this medication change will help.

I have started to wonder whether this depression is seasonal. I was incredibly depressed at this time last year, but I was also experiencing a relapse into my eating disorder, so I assumed that this was merely a side-effect of malnourishment and of watching my life crumble around me again. My first severe Major Depressive episode, which left me sleeping past noon everyday and failing/nearly failing all my classes, occurred at this time two years ago. I remember dreading Winter every year in high school, because while I was not aware that I suffered from Depression, I knew that the dark, cold days from December to March left me feeling really down.

Fortunately, I am still feeling well enough to fight my Depression by attending social events, signing up for therapy groups, and going to class. I consider this to be immeasurably important.

Unfortunately, restriction has started to creep in as my insecurities about my body become harder to cope with, and the “high” I experience when I lose weight seems increasingly attractive. I am not restricting enough at this point to damage my health, but I do need to turn this around before it gets worse.

So this is my update. I hope it doesn’t seem too pessimistic, because I hold a lot of hope that my mood will improve and that I will remain on track with my recovery. I hope everyone is well, and I will try to write again really soon.

Sarah

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One thought on “New Year Blues- A Real Update

  1. I don’t know about anorexia but I do know both bulimia and general depression have been shown to improve with bright light therapy which is the best treatment for seasonal depression. If you shop around there are some reasonably priced light boxes available. If you hate getting up a sunrise simulator or wake up light really helps. A cheap option is to put your bedside lamp on a timer. It doesn’t fade up gently but it’s still much nicer to wake up to the light. Good luck and I hope things improve for you as the year progresses.

    Liked by 1 person

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