Dating a Woman?

This post will not be eating disorder-related, which is actually a good indication that my recovery is going well. I plan to write a post about that soon. This post will be about my recent journey in exploring my sexuality, and the exciting turn this journey has recently taken.

I will start with a quick background:

My first crush was on a boy named Gavin in my third grade class. Since Gavin, I have experienced countless crushes on boys and men, and continue to get these feelings now. However, when I was 12 years old, I began to think I might be attracted to women. I had feelings towards some of my female friends that felt different than feelings of friendship. I considered myself a Christian at the time, and these “sinful” desires TERRIFIED me. I would pray multiple times a day that I was not bisexual. At some point, I was sufficiently convinced that I was straight, and elected to never question my sexuality again. At the time, I thought that thinking about my sexual orientation too hard might change it, and that any deviation from “straight” would be a negative change. I lived the next several years of my life wholly convinced of my straight-ness. At one point, I did not even desire female friendship, and the idea of sleeping with a woman disgusted me. I now attribute these extreme feelings to internalized misogyny, and possibly an overcorrection from an attraction towards women.

It has now been over 2 years since I left the church, and slightly longer since my views on the LGBTQ+ community changed. After telling myself and others that I was straight for so many years, I continued to believe it for a while. But in the past few months, I have begun to explore my feelings towards women.

A few months ago, I told my friend that I thought a friend of hers (let’s call her J) was attractive. I didn’t expect anything to come of it, even when my friend told J about my feelings. Earlier this week, I was told that J wanted to meet me, because she’d been told about me yet we had never spoken in person. We met and talked for a while, and I really enjoyed myself. J is cool and interesting and so pretty. We began texting, then made plans for a date this weekend, then hung out and talked again today. This is all happening so fast, but it feels so right, and I am ridiculously smitten.

I don’t want to rush to label myself again.  I am still not 100% sure whether I am attracted to women in general. And if I am, there are still multiple labels to choose from. But I do know that I am attracted to this girl, and that is really, really exciting.



One thought on “Dating a Woman?

  1. “To label myself again” girl why do you even have to label? Just date. Love people as they are and don’t see gender. Be attracted to whatever attracts you and enjoy the ride. Labels only bring with it stereotypes and cookie cutter expectations. Molds we feel we have to fit into. Be you. And have fun!! :]

    Liked by 1 person

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