I’ve been neglecting this blog lately; I apologize.
I’ve mainly been sharing my thoughts on my YouTube channel, Sarah Hill. That will probably change soon, as I recently moved into a student house with thin walls, and 4 of my 5 housemates are unaware of my eating disorder.
Anyways, the reason I am posting here now is that I am freaking out.
I have been working so hard to get my eating back on track, but this past Monday, I weighed in at my highest weight in over a year. I could not cope with the fear that my weight would continue to increase, so I began restricting again.
I have work today for 5.5 hours. And on Saturday for 6 hours. And on Sunday for 6 hours. And I am anxious. And I’m depressed. And I am so, so tired.
Also, my birthday is in 9 days and my parents are proposing lunches and dinners and cake, and I don’t have the heart to tell them that I’m struggling again.
I wish I could go home and hide under the covers and write off this entire day, but I have to pay rent, do that isn’t an option. So I’m venting here.
I hate writing conclusions. So this is where I’m going to end this post. I’m sorry this isn’t very cheerful or optimistic.