Back on Track (Again)

I woke up at noon today.

Waking up late is not a rare occurrence for me, but waking up late when I am supposed to work from 12-5 is a first. I slept through my alarm, and to explain why this happened, I have to back up a couple of days.

On Monday, I had an appointment with my therapist that motivated me to get back on track with my eating. Unfortunately, I purged after eating a regular lunch, and spent the rest of the day bingeing and purging to cope with the guilt. I woke up Tuesday intending to fast all day.

After struggling to perform well at work in spite of my malnourished brain, I realized that it really was in my best interest to work towards recovery. I followed the meal plan for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, I was having an extremely difficult time coping, and decided once more to return to restricting the following day.

In the past, I have always become extremely tired for the first few days of normal eating. For some reason, though, I underestimated this effect this time around. When I groggily awoke today at noon and realized what had happened, I was very upset. I had to call in sick for the second time in one month of working at my new job.

Anorexia forced me to take a year off from school and work. She tortured me during a combined 17 weeks of intensive treatment. She made me sit alone in my room while my family enjoyed birthdays and holidays with delicious food. She called me fat and greedy and worthless and weak. Now, Anorexia is coming after my amazing new job, and I will NOT let her take that away from me too. I AM DONE.

Today, I am officially back on track towards recovery. I know I will continue to struggle, and I will inevitably slip from time to time, but I will continue to pick myself up and carry on fighting. I am taking my life back from the LYING BITCH that is my eating disorder.

Today, I choose life. Today, I choose recovery.

Sarah

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